We are creatures of Love, in search for love! All our lives are aimed for this particular quest. Since birth, we seek the love connection with our parents, and closest family. Later on our friendships, romantic partners, our own children…so is the cycle.
We thrive from this bond of trust and complicity. We begin to embrace the importance of Unity, interdependency, how together we are stronger and happier.
As Buddha as taught us, our love capacity is not complete if it does not include ourselves. It is indeed too common that through our lives we give all our focus and love to the well-being and comfort of others, at the expenses of our own. The lesson is clear, love includes self-care first. If we neglect ourselves, how good is what we have to offer? If we do not love ourselves, the only love we know is conditional, selective and imperfect.
When we search for true romantic love, for that better half who will complete us, most of the times we are not even aware of what we are looking for. If we search for love for the sake of being loved, then we certainly do not love ourselves and do not know love at all. How can we find something we do not know? We don’t, we get illusions instead.
Finding love can never be based upon need, fear or inner emptiness. We find and attract what we emotionally emit, and so need attracts need, fear attracts more fear. To attract real love we must be Love, the love for ourselves, for life, after all everything is always a matter of frequencies, the correct frequencies.
We may even cross paths with our soul mate at some point, but we can only recognize them, or be recognized, if correctly tuned into the love frequency. Fear wear us like a mask, and makes us unrecognizable, to ourselves and others. As long as we “wear” our fears, our defense mechanism and masks, and illusory limitations, true love will not find us.
For that reason, most of the times we feel we are “in love” with someone, we are actually in love with the idea of love, with a fairytale of our creation, which with time dissolves and turns back into reality. “How could I have been so wrong about that person?”, “Why didn’t I realized it before?” We “see” what we want to see, to serve our needs, our mental traps and escapes of inner lacks.
There is nothing wrong with being alone for some time. It is one of the most beneficial and rewarding moments we can have. We learn to focus on self, love ourselves, accept us for who we are in essence. Choosing to be alone for a while, doesn’t mean we will be lonely, or alone for the rest of our lives. It means it is time to rest, to learn and embrace the most beautiful and important relationship of all, with ourselves. Once we manage that, we will know true love and be able to embark in a lifelong relationship with other. There will be no more need, despair or fear. Only then, we will truly understand Love was never lost, just misplaced, for learning purposes. We can never really lose what gives us life, who we are in essence, what we are made of.
Eli de Lemos